I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
