Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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