it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
