i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
