He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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