he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
