i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
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