I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
