No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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