When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
These tits shall not be calmed
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
