It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
