Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
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I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
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going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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