Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
