A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
