He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
