Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
