Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Randomize
