The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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