They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
