I look better un-naked...
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
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