the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
