I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
