Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
