long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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