Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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