u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
