her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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