we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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