I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
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