Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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