we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
