You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
