I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
