Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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