Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
