You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
