is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
