JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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