I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
