Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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