I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
