Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize