I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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