he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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