clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
