perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
