Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
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Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
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I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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