You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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