Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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