Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
