RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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