Porn is love you can see.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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