So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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