It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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