ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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