Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
