I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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