Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
