Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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