"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
