you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
