He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize