just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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