My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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