I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Randomize
