I wish I could punch you in the face.
he shaved USA in his pubs
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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