There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
only if we run a train.
done.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
