note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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