Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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