I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
