I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
