I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
