so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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