Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
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