You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
