More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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