Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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